Painful Pasts, Uncertain Futures

November 16, 2014

I had tears in my eyes while leading the children's Christmas program practice this morning. I have led this program for years, and I always enjoy spending time with delightful kids, teaching them wonderful music, and and watching a beautiful performance come together over several weeks. But, I've never cried.

This year is different because of one song. Here's what it says:

All I am, All I have,

I lay it all before You.

All my hopes, All my dreams,

I lay them at Your feet.

My future, My past,

My next breath and My last,

I give it all,

I give it all to You.

It is a song of surrender. It is a song of trust in a God who has proven Himself trustworthy.

We became foster parents in 2011, and if there's anything I have learned over the past three years, it is that God is faithful, and we can trust Him. Our first child was placed with us at 5 months old, and while we were committed to supporting birth families, the reality of our little guy returning home drove us to our knees, to tears, to panic...

The story is long, but after two and a half years, we adopted our little guy. There were many times when it appeared that his birth family was in charge. There were times when it seemed DCFS was in charge, and often, it seemed that the courts were determining our boy's future. Looking back, God was always in control - no matter how it appeared.

Because of our little guy's story, the Christmas program's song of surrender spoke to me the first time I heard it. I resonated with its message of giving it all to God and trusting Him with everything. But the tears came when I sang the song with the children's choir.

You see, there are 50-60 children in that choir, and 10 of them have spent time in foster care. Some of them have been adopted by Christian families, but some of them are still in the system. Their pasts are devastating, and they know what it's like to lose everything and everyone they know. They have been wounded by abuse, neglect, domestic violence, substance abuse, and the list goes on. For those who are still in foster care, their futures are uncertain. No one knows what will happen, and no one has solid answers to their tough questions.

I was leading the song of surrender today, and I was overwhelmed as these kids worshiped - kids whose futures are uncertain and whose pasts are painful. We don't know the answers for many of these kids yet, but we're giving it all to Him.

My future, my past, my next breath and my last,

I give it all, I give it all to You.